Read This Before Sharing a Sympathy Message
In situations like this, sometimes it’s helpful to advise people on what NOT to say to someone grieving a loss.
For example, avoid saying:
- “I know just how you feel.”
- “I’m sure you feel some relief.”
- “Time heals.”
- “I’m amazed at how strong you are!”
- “At least you weren’t really close with them.”
- “Don’t cry.”
- “Are you going to move/sell the house/quit your job?”
Instead, here are some examples of what to say (or write) to someone who recently lost a loved one.
Examples of Condolence Messages
Everyone grieves differently. Even if a person puts on a strong front, they may suffer inside. So here are some sympathy messages to share with extended family or friends.
Please understand that some of these messages are meant to be shared in person – perhaps at a visitation or funeral.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Yes, this phrase may feel overused. However, it offers a message of sympathy without passing any judgment.
“I don’t know what to say.”
If you feel uncomfortable offering platitudes, speak from the heart. Perhaps you genuinely don’t know what to say to someone following a tragic event.
“I’ve been thinking about you.”
Some words feel like a hug.
“Your Mom loved you so much.”
If you had a relationship with the deceased, you probably have an insider’s perspective on their family. Share some of that positive knowledge with the family members.
For example, you might tell the family, “Everytime we saw Darlene, she showed us the latest photos of the grandkids. Or “Michael was so proud of you!”
“You were a great caregiver.”
Caregivers – especially full-time caregivers – deserve a pat on the back. Fulfilling a family member’s physical and emotional needs can be physically and mentally exhausting. You may feel comfortable acknowledging this role if you have a unique insight into the situation.
Ask about the deceased’s life.
People in mourning sometimes want to talk about the deceased. You may want to ask about details of their lives. For example, “where did your grandfather serve during World War II?” “The obituary says that your mom was a great baker. What was her specialty?” “Your sister worked at an advertising firm? What did she do there?”
“-------- reminds me of your loved one.”
People who experience loss want to know that others will remember their loved ones. So even if you didn’t interact with their family member, you might be able to share something that reminds you of their loved one.
For example, “Dr. Pepper always reminds me of your dad. He was always carrying a can of Dr. Pepper whenever I saw him.”
“The smell of fresh baked cookies always reminds me of your mom. Do you remember how she always had cookies waiting when we got home from swim meets?”
Share a memory of the deceased.
If you can share a positive memory or interaction with the deceased, share it with their family.
For example, “Your mom was so wonderful to me after I lost my baby. She wrote me a beautiful letter and filled our freezer with meals. I’ll never forget her kind words and actions.”
“I love you.”
You and your friend may be too emotional to speak. But don’t overlook the power of this heartfelt phrase and the comfort of a warm hug.
What to Write in a Sympathy Card
Here are some additional ideas for what to write in a condolence card or an online funeral guest book.
- Thinking of you as you celebrate your mom’s beautiful life.
- I know that nothing I write will make your pain disappear. But, I’m here for you.
- Thinking of you – and wishing you moments of peace and comfort as you mourn the loss of someone so close to you.
- My heart goes out to you following the loss of your dear brother.
- I hope your happy memories will give you comfort during this difficult time.
- I was sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. She was a remarkable woman.
- Please accept my condolences on the loss of your friend.
- Sending love to you and your magnificent family.
Religious Sympathy Messages
You may find yourself in a situation where you have to share a sympathy message with someone who shares your same faith. Here are some religious sympathy message ideas to share.
- We are deeply saddened by the news of Jorge’s passing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.
- I’ll be praying for you and your family. Remember that God’s love and grace are always with you.
- Sending healing prayers and comforting hugs.
- “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
- May our Lord bless and ritincomfort you during this time of grief.
- May the soul of your loved one rest in peace.
- We hope that knowing that our loved ones are in the savior’s presence can be of some comfort.
- May God embrace you in comfort during this difficult time.
- The Lord is my strength and my shield, in whom my heart trusts. Psalm 28:7
Tell Your Friends About Lalo
The next time you see your friend, tell them about Lalo, a free app that allows them to create a private space to share and store memories of their loved ones.
They can add pictures, video, voice, and text – and invite others to contribute. And the app inspires others to share by providing curated questions. As a result, visitors to the app won’t have to struggle with what to write.
Share this link with your friend so that they can get started. Or Lalo makes a great sympathy gift.
