250 Jokes for Kids
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1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.
4. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
5. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
6. What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.
7. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
8. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
9. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?
Because she will "let it go, let it go."
10. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
11. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
12. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
13. Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her.
14. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
15. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts
16. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
17. How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.
18. What building in your town has the most stories?
The public library.
19. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
20. What is a computer's favorite snack?
Computer chips.
21. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
22. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
23. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister.
24. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
25. How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
26. What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.
27. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
28. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot.
29. Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
30. What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
31. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
32. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because her mom and dad were in a jam.
33. What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
Where is pop corn?
34. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
35. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite.
36. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
37. What kind of water can’t freeze?
Hot water.
38. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
39. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore.
40. What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip.
41. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
42. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.
43. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells.
44. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me.
45. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
46. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.
47. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
48. What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
Hoppy Birthday.
49. What’s the one thing will you get every year on your birthday, guaranteed?
A year older.
50. Why do candles always go on the top of cakes?
Because it's hard to light them from the bottom.
51. What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?
They both need a good batter.
52. What goes up but never comes down?
Your age.
53. What does every birthday end with?
The letter Y.
54. What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It's roar birthday.
55. Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
She wanted to ice it.
56. Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one?
No, they both burn shorter.
57. Why did the little girl hit her birthday cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake.
58. Yo Mama so small her best friend is an ant.
59. Yo Mama so old God signed her yearbook
60. Yo Mama so short she has to hold a sign up that says, "Don't spit, I can't swim."
61. Yo Mama so small she has to slam-dunk her bus fare.
62. Yo Mama so old she rode dinosaurs to school.
63. Yo Mama so old her memory is in black and white.
64. Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
Because it had more cents.
65. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
Because it’s never right.
66. Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
67. Why was the equal sign so humble?
Because he wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
68. What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros.
69. How do you stay warm in any room?
Go to the corner—it’s always 90 degrees.
70. Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal?
Because he would have to convert.
71. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
72. Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there’s no point.
73. Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.
74. What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon.
75. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.
76. What did the banana say to the dog?
Bananas can’t talk.
77. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles.
78. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.
79. How do you fit more pigs on a farm?
Build a sty-scraper.
80. What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
An udder failure.
81. What do you call a cow that won't give milk?
A milk dud.
82. Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
83. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
84. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!
85. Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssside.
86. Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
87. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved.
88. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
89. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.
90. How did the pirate get his flag so cheaply?
He bought it on sail.
91. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
8 pirates.
92. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear.
93. Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
94. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they arrr.
95. What is a cat's favorite color?
Purrr-ple.
96. What song does a cat like best?
Three Blind Mice.
97. Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum.
98. What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?
A first-aid kit.
99. Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives.
100. What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
"Me-ow."
101. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
One is a cat copy; the other is a copy cat.
102. What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A fur ball.
103. What's a cat's favorite magazine?
A cat-alogue.
104. What cat likes living in water?
An octo-puss.
105. Why did the robber jump in the shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
106. What kind of shoes do robbers wear?
Sneakers.
107. What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese!
108. What kind of music do chiropractor’s like?
Hip pop
109. Why did the cell phone get glasses?
Because she lost all her contacts.
110. How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
111. What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
Knead for Speed.
112. What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
Figure skating.
113. What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
The glitterbug.
114. Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
Because they always make-up.
115. Where do roses sleep at night?
In their flowerbed
116. Why was the show bad at gymnastics?
She was a flip-flop
117. What should you wear to a tea party?
A t-shirt
118. What’s rain’s favorite accessory?
A rainbow
119. Where does a sink go dancing?
The Dish-co
120. What’s a princess’s favorite time?
Knight time.
121. Why did the Genie get mad?
Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
122. What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?
A bun.
123. What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
Hip hop.
124. What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
Shop ‘til they hop.
125. How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
She nailed it.
126. What is corn’s favorite music?
Pop.
127. Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?
It’s a weak day.
128. Why was the politician out of breath?
He was running for office.
129. What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?
Goooooooooooold!
130. Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
131. Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
Pennsylvania.
132. Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
Inside.
133. Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
He forgot his lawsuit.
134. Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
He crashed the computer
135. What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
An eyeball.
136. What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
Shells.
137. What time of year do people get injured the most?
In the fall.
138. Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
Because he knew he would pass.
139. Why did the musician throw away her table?
Because it was flat.
140. Why didn’t the farmer's son study medicine?
Because he wanted to go into a different field?
141. What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Pi.
142. Why was the princess in the emergency room?
Because she broke her crown.
143. Why is Peter Pan flying all the time?
He Neverlands!
144. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
145. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
146. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make everything up.
147. What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
148. How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put a lox on it.
149. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
150. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
151. What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse.
152. What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
153. What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
154. Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
155. What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
The space bar.
156. Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
157. How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
158. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
159. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs
160. Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet koalafications.
161. How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
162. Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
All of the fans left.
163. What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
164. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
165. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the “no-bell” prize.
166. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
167. What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison!
168. Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Nevermind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
169. What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
Do these genes makes me look fat?
170. What does a spider’s bride wear?
A webbing dress.
171. What did one firefly say to the other?
You glow, girl!
172. Where do you learn to make banana splits?
At sundae school.
173. What did the tree say to the wind?
Leaf me alone!
174. What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Sneak-ers.
175. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems
176. Why did the computer do to the doctor?
It had a virus.
177. What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
178. Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?
The “C”!
179. What gets wet while it’s drying?
A towel.
180. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
181. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
182. What do you call a duck that gets all the A’s?
A wise quacker.
183. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis!
184. Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pencil-vania
185. Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly
186. What do you call a fish without an eye?
A fsh.
187. What does bread do on vacation?
Loaf around.
188. Where do rocks like to sleep?
Bedrock!
189. What did the reporter say to the ice cream?
"What's the scoop?"
190. How do squids get to school?
They take an octobus.
191. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she always runs away from the ball!
192. What’s a banana peel’s favorite type of shoe?
Slippers.
193. Why was the broom late for school?
It overswept.
194. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.
195. Where do hamburgers go to dance?
They go to the meat-ball.
196. How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
When it’s full!
197. What's a snake's favorite subject?
Hissssstory.
198. Why did the dog do so well in school?
Because he was the teacher’s pet!
199. What’s the most detailed-oriented ocean?
The Pacific.
200. What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?
Reali-tea
01. Why did the man fall down the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
202. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
203. What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle?
They rose.
204. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies?
Bring out the doggy paddle.
205. What kind of music do chiropractor’s like?
Hip pop.
206. Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
207. Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?
They were going through a stage!
208. Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
He was outstanding in his field!
209. Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero!
210. What did the duck say after she bought chapstick?
Put it on my bill!
211. What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
212. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the udder!
213. What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!
214. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
215. Why can’t you send a duck to space?
Because the bill would be astronomical!
216. What did the mama cow say to the calf?
It’s pasture bedtime!
217. Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don’t know the words!
218. What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
219. What kind of dog does a magician have?
A Labracadabrador!
220. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant!
221. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with shellfish?
An oyster bunny!
222. Why did the pony get sent to his room?
He wouldn’t stop horsing around!
223. Where do cows go on Friday nights?
They go to the moo-vies!
224. Why couldn't the pony sing “Happy Birthday?”
Because she was just a little hoarse!
225. How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card!
226. Why can’t a leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted!
227. What do you get when you cross a snail with a porcupine?
A slowpoke!
228. What do frogs order at fast-food restaurants?
French flies!
229. What do you call an alligator who solves mysteries?
An investigator!
230. Why is a snake difficult to fool?
You can’t pull its leg!
231. What kind of socks do grizzlies wear?
None, they have bear feet!
232. What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!"
233. What's a cat's favorite dessert?
Chocolate mouse!
234. What fish only swims at night?
Starfish!
235. What does a triceratops sit on?
Its tricera-bottom!
236. Which vegetable do sailors hate the most?
Leeks!
237. What did the bunny say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you!
238. What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry!
239. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
240. What did the pizza say to the topping?
I never sau-sage a pretty face!
241. What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom!
242. What kind of key opens a banana?
A mon-key!
243. What happens when a grape gets run over crossing the street?
A traffic jam!
244. What does garlic do when it gets hot?
It takes its cloves off!
245. Where does fruit go on vacation?
Pear-is!
246. What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
Yellow!
247. What did one dried fruit say when another asked it to the movies?
It’s a date!
248. What does a cow call an earthquake?
A milkshake!
249. Why did the man go to the yogurt museum?
To get a little culture!
250. Why can’t you trust tacos?
Because they always spill the beans!
